YOU TOO CAN BE A SLUT: Click here and get your hoe ass on the list |
Word up, let us know if you have any suggestions for the site (i.e. sexual positions, voodoo recipes, celebrity gossip, fashion no-no's, etc.) We'd love to hear from you. Send contributions of Struts worthy material and we'll put the darn thing up (that means less work for our lazy staff.) |
Eat This: |
Struts Magazine Close Personal Niggas Links The Wayback Machine Message Board- Koops runs da house at this message board. Bring the smackth down! Horizontal Action- Because the world can not be complete without great garage punk music, porn, adventureous staffer boys, porn, and porn. Get your HA merch, subscription info and HA festival events info- all with plenty of porn to boot. Did I mention they have porn? The Hotwires- Hey do you smell something sizzlin'? It's your fucking brain and it's smellin' up so fine like greasy country sausage when you listen to The Hotwires. The Struts staff can't get enough of their hot sounds and wild! wild! antics... Speaking of SAUSAGE what a bunch of hotties these lime-eaters are!!! Check it out, it's for real girls! Smashin' Transistors- Put some garage punk in your life. Big "D"etroit scene and beyond from Big Pimpin' Dale. The Lords of Altamont- Jake, Johnny, Max, Kevin, and Namella's favorite rhythm guitarist -Shawn go all out 60's biker rampagin'! The Stuporstars- They never update this site but find fascinating facts on your favorite Stuporstar! Razorcake- Rise from the dead of Flipside and tune into today's punk rock happenings! Girltalk- Because you need to look flawless. Tips, products and advice from crossdressers! Garage rock girls take note! Tigermask- Ralph and Frankie Cakes still cookin' it up scandal style. The Pinkz- Girls rock; powerpop punk style. Dave the Spazz- Because he has a better record collection than you. Listen to archives of WFMU's monkey's uncle DJ! The Bolides- Science + Garage rock= formula for success. Bomp Records- If you don't get it here, ya just don't get it! Grunnen Rocks- Our favorite Vikings run this incredibly informative punk rock site. The Garage- Today's hipsters and yesterdays tastemakers collide in this factoid packed site. The Manifolds- Struts endorsed, fierce new sound from Riverside, CA! Get in on some of this before everyone else! Pop On Top- Power pop website with extensive info on bands, scenes, etc. Blank Generation- Puts us to shame, really it does. FUBAR- Gummo meets Decline of Western Civ., Part 2. Following the madness of Lyle Sheraton and his shotgun antics! A must view, got DSL? Timeless Gods- Hey they got good taste, like us. Music info galore! Orgie Newsletter- Now this is more like it. We love the name and we love the super nifty, bare bones news approach! Alicia Lawhon- Fin de siecle, pret a porter by LA punk rocker turned fashion designer. Dionysus Records- Mr. Lee's unsinkable label! Band info, Club 66/77 info, mail order, etc. The Bobbyteens- Tina, Russell, Danielle and Lisa- because we love them so very much. Teenacide Records- Freekshow's spankin' new record label featuring The Shakes and more excitement to cum! Rip Off Records!- The real deal. Former Stud of the Month runs a vicious great label. Home of The Zodiac Killers, The Rip Offs, Teengenerate, The Makers, The Wongs, Chinese Millionaires, etc. Kapow Records- Kyle runs a cool label that cares for its young. Get The Stitches and The Starvations among others here! The Orphans- Kapow Records latest and greatest addition Austin Celeb Page- A Struts Sister in Austin (yo Liz) details all the juicy bulge you can handle with the hottest bands in the world. Shirtless a plenty! Whew! The Rippers- LA's newest garage sensation! Broken blues- they get really drunk onstage. TrickKnee Productions- Home of The Mystery Girls, The Leg Hounds and all the bands you will be talking baout in the near future. |
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!!!!Our First Ever Struts Magazine Top 7 List!!! Hey, hey we're taking those ubiquitous Top blankety-blanks Listsand schewing it Struts style. Our list compromises of the lucky number 7. We asked several Strutters to use whatever is left in their noggin to come up with own creative lists of 7 things which we hope will be of no help to you readers. We are your dancing poddles and this is purely for your enjoyment. So relax and watch the milk fly out of your nose. Contributor #1; The World Famous Mike Joyce a.k.a. MC EGO-manical Age 25, currently resides in Silverlake, California where he hones his skills at drinking, heckling, and picking up Asian women, also plays in various bands. "TOP SEVEN BANDS (REAL OR IMAGINED) FEATURING MIKE JOYCE" 1. THE RAWHIDE KIDZ!!! 2. FUTURESAURUS REX!!!! 3. MYSTERIOUS HOT SWEATS!!!! 4. THE CASUAL FRIDAYS!!!! 5. THE DIRTY TREATMENT!!!!!! 6. (one man show live) 7. THE FABULOUS FLYING HORSICONS!!!! "TOP SEVEN BANDS/PERFORMERS MIKE JOYCE HAS BEEN REAL MEAN TO": 1. THE CAUSEY WAY (at one point the singer pulled me on stage and gave me a dollar to shut up. I didn't!) 2. NEIL HAMBURGER (after the show RICK HALL came outside and said "Mike Joyce owes me 10 dollars!") 3. THE BAND THAT WAS PLAYING ON FREE NIGHT AT SPACELAND WHO SAID "IS THAT DON RICKLES IN THE BACK?" (they were talking about me!) 4. THE BAND THAT PLAYED AFTER BAND #3 WHO HAD A BUNCH OF LAMPS SET UP ON STAGE (I kept yelling out Flavor Flav quotes like "im lamping i'm lamping i'm cold cold lamping! i got louies boy, i'm never tramping!" and afterwards some indie rocker angrily accosted us and demanded to know how we'd like it if he heckled our band. we told him we'd love it!) 5. THE VERMIN!! (this awful awful band is from Las Vegas and played at the Shakedown last year. I stood in the back and yelled at them to "shut up!" and "break up!" but they couldn't hear me, so i left rather than be subjected to any more of that) 6. THE RAWHIDE KIDZ!!! (which was my band, we wrote a song called "rich caperton is out of the band"' rich was our drummer and we kicked him out of the band a whole bunch of times. it was pretty mean of me!) 7. TRIPLE A (my friend's band from when we were still teenagers, when i saw them i tried to pants my friend, but they were welded to his hips or something. while i was trying to take them off, i accidentally knocked him over and he fell on his guitar. oops! sorry ryan!) Contributor #2; Mr. Smarty Pants Age 28, Scorpio, reads Foucault, Borges, Camus, and Helen Gurley Brown's "Sex and the Single Girl" in order to understand women, drinks Patron Silver, single, enjoys sushi, hatha yoga, currently resides with divorcee mother in Woodland Hills, California, works in the music business. TOP SEVEN BANDS INVOLVED WITH FOOD 7. Pillsbury Hardcore 6. Rice 5. The Cosmetics "Twinkie Madness" 4. Heavy Vegetables 3. Blancmange 2. Andre Williams "Pass The Biscuits Please" 1. The GO- NUTS TOP 7 BANDS THAT DANCE WITH MIMES 7. Queen 6. David Lee Roth 5. The Village People 4. Madonna 3. Klaus Nomi 2. Klaus Nomi 1. Klaus Nomi Contributor #3; Struts Slut Namella Age 25, currently resides in Glendale, California, drinks, smokes, and rocks alot, likes boys, make-up, dressing up like a slut, The Pagans, beer, John Waters and Andy Warhol movies, art nouveau, rhythm guitarists, spitting, works as a legal secretary. TOP 7 "INFLAMMATORY" COMMENTS MADE BY BOYFRIENDS IN THE PAST 1. "You little shit" 2. "I don't want to end up like that couple in Barfly" 3. "That's what I get for messing around with children" (referring to moi!!! ) 4. "Your tits are showing" 5. "My brother says you're just crazy" 6. "Can I get a raincheck?" 7. "She basically ruined my life." Contributor #4; Tim From Pomona Everyone knows Tim from Pomona in his native land and beyond. He's such a celebrity! He likes to work out his buff beautiful body and is very proud of his trailblazing new buzzcut. Tim is the prepetual ladies man on the lookout for that special someone, and he's very picky about too, not just any woman will do. Hey that rhymed! Top 7 Pomona Celebrity Sightings 1. Rob Van Dam @ Ontario Mills 2. Lisa Suckdog @ Antique Row 3. Mike Ness @ Enigma Clothing 4. George W. Bush @ Fairplex 5. David Koresh @ White Ave., La Verne 6. Sugar Shane Mosely @ Albertsons 7. Rodney King @ Pomona Superior Court Top 7 deadly Sins Of Strutters Everywhere 1. lameness 2. dishonesty 3. sobriety 4. weakness 5. moderation 6. ineptitude 7. celibacy Contributor #5; Mr. Choounty Pants Down, brown and comin' to your town. He sells velvet paintings by the side of the border on Santa Ynez Blvd. He likes white women with visas, tequila, walks on the playa with his favorite heina- which ever one last birthed one of his many kids. Viva Choount! Top Seven Ways To Cross The Border 1. Go with white women. Ole! 2. With pockets full of drugs 3. On a donkey with two satchels of coffee beans on each side. 4. Via catapault. 5. With Cheech Marin and a mob of other choounties while "We're Coming To America" by Neil Diamond blares in the background. 6. Inside a lifesized surfing monkey statue. 7. In a Mexi-Melt- don't ask us what that is. Miss Namella's 7 Signs of a Bad Mall Excuse me, I used to love the mall; Westside, Beverly Center, South Coast, just to name a few. I grew up in LA so I went to "snobby malls". I learned how to distinguish them from bad malls due my painful year long stint of living in the LBC. I was forced to settle for visits to the Carson Mall Macy's to pick up my Chanel Double Perfection Powder Foundation. Gross. So pay attention, if you're stuck shopping at a mall with uncouth girlfriends and/or clueless boyfriends, pay attention to these points: 1. The lines at Orange Julius and Hot Dog on a Stick are Magic Mountain long. 2. There IS an Orange Julius and Hot Dog on a Stick on the premises. 3. The makeup counter ladies are too nice even before you start putting down your duckets. 4. People flock to Forever 21 and Red Eye rather than the Bebe or BCBG. 5. No Godiva Chocolatier! 6. Sam Goody is the only "record store". 7. Too many accessory friendly stores stocked with fuzzy picture frames, "Princess" or "Pimp" emblazoned CRAP, tacky earrings that LaToya Jackson wouldn't even wear, "punk" belts and wristbands, ugly pajamas with hot rod flames around them, aaaaaaaaarrrrggggghh! 7 Great Fag Bars in LA by Jackson The Garage Rock Faggot Honey, I loooove gettin' some! I get it anyway I can. Usually, I like to get it from someone I want it with, but sometimes pickin's are slim. That's why gays drink extra strong cocktails. Here's a list of some places you are likely to see me in ACTION! 1. The Rage- yes, it's Euro Disco but it's still THEE place to be to meet hot hung boys. 2. The Faultline- when I want to don my leather undies. 3. Trunks in Long Beach- romance by the shore and the firemen of Long Beach go there! 4. Mickey's- early evening cocktails but not really great for hooking up. 5. Apache- The Valley's answer to The Rage. Always fun, fun, fun and less snooty than WeHo bars. 6. The Parlor- Hipster gay and great DJs. 7. Mother's in NYC- the best. |
Struts Magazine Close Personal Niggas Links The Wayback Machine Message Board- Koops runs da house at this message board. Bring the smackth down! Horizontal Action- Because the world can not be complete without great garage punk music, porn, adventureous staffer boys, porn, and porn. Get your HA merch, subscription info and HA festival events info- all with plenty of porn to boot. Did I mention they have porn? The Hotwires- Hey do you smell something sizzlin'? It's your fucking brain and it's smellin' up so fine like greasy country sausage when you listen to The Hotwires. The Struts staff can't get enough of their hot sounds and wild! wild! antics... Speaking of SAUSAGE what a bunch of hotties these lime-eaters are!!! Check it out, it's for real girls! Smashin' Transistors- Put some garage punk in your life. Big "D"etroit scene and beyond from Big Pimpin' Dale. The Lords of Altamont- Jake, Johnny, Max, Kevin, and Namella's favorite rhythm guitarist -Shawn go all out 60's biker rampagin'! The Stuporstars- They never update this site but find fascinating facts on your favorite Stuporstar! Razorcake- Rise from the dead of Flipside and tune into today's punk rock happenings! Girltalk- Because you need to look flawless. Tips, products and advice from crossdressers! Garage rock girls take note! Tigermask- Ralph and Frankie Cakes still cookin' it up scandal style. The Pinkz- Girls rock; powerpop punk style. Dave the Spazz- Because he has a better record collection than you. Listen to archives of WFMU's monkey's uncle DJ! The Bolides- Science + Garage rock= formula for success. Bomp Records- If you don't get it here, ya just don't get it! Grunnen Rocks- Our favorite Vikings run this incredibly informative punk rock site. The Garage- Today's hipsters and yesterdays tastemakers collide in this factoid packed site. The Manifolds- Struts endorsed, fierce new sound from Riverside, CA! Get in on some of this before everyone else! Pop On Top- Power pop website with extensive info on bands, scenes, etc. Blank Generation- Puts us to shame, really it does. FUBAR- Gummo meets Decline of Western Civ., Part 2. Following the madness of Lyle Sheraton and his shotgun antics! A must view, got DSL? Timeless Gods- Hey they got good taste, like us. Music info galore! Orgie Newsletter- Now this is more like it. We love the name and we love the super nifty, bare bones news approach! Alicia Lawhon- Fin de siecle, pret a porter by LA punk rocker turned fashion designer. Dionysus Records- Mr. Lee's unsinkable label! Band info, Club 66/77 info, mail order, etc. The Bobbyteens- Tina, Russell, Danielle and Lisa- because we love them so very much. Teenacide Records- Freekshow's spankin' new record label featuring The Shakes and more excitement to cum! Rip Off Records!- The real deal. Former Stud of the Month runs a vicious great label. Home of The Zodiac Killers, The Rip Offs, Teengenerate, The Makers, The Wongs, Chinese Millionaires, etc. Kapow Records- Kyle runs a cool label that cares for its young. Get The Stitches and The Starvations among others here! The Orphans- Kapow Records latest and greatest addition Austin Celeb Page- A Struts Sister in Austin (yo Liz) details all the juicy bulge you can handle with the hottest bands in the world. Shirtless a plenty! Whew! The Rippers- LA's newest garage sensation! Broken blues- they get really drunk onstage. TrickKnee Productions- Home of The Mystery Girls, The Leg Hounds and all the bands you will be talking baout in the near future. |
PEOPLE WITH NO STYLE OF THEIR OWN |
Eat This: |
Word up, let us know if you have any suggestions for the site (i.e. sexual positions, voodoo recipes, celebrity gossip, fashion no-no's, etc.) We'd love to hear from you. Send contributions of Struts worthy material and we'll put the darn thing up (that means less work for our lazy staff.) |
Still down to hoe for rock'n'roll! |
CELEBRITY GEEK OUT #2 Ok so it's not a to the max GEEK out but my friends noticed the following celebrities over the fourth of July weekend. LA is so stupid sometimes. Fred Durst shopping at Fred Segal's on Melrose- for what I don't know, more baggy shorts or baseball caps made backwards to fit forward yet look backwards... (huh-???) Sara Gilbert at some ultrahip home accessories store stocked with Alessi crap. She was browsing with an attractive lady friend in a tight pre-faded UCLA shirt. They both looked rather scary butch- in a sexy way. Giovanni Ribisi strolling along Brand Blvd. with wife on the Fourth. I was looking for a striped bikini, instead I found a Scientologist hipster actor. |
YOU TOO CAN BE A SLUT: Click here and get your hoe ass on the list |
"Robert Longo rules! Tres chic 80's yuppie art!" |
We're on vacation. Actually we're really lazy/ watching Texas Justice. Until then, read all this ancient crap. Oh yeah don't forget to see The Clone Defects at Spaceland on the 25th of June. |